BY RAY VAN COR
The Greenville Standard
By the authority vested in me for the citizens of the Great State of Alabama, Tide and Tiger fans the world over, I have declared Thursday through Saturday of the Iron Bowl weekend as an Official Alabama State Holiday. The holiday will officially begin Thursday prior to the Saturday Game. No early starts folks.
The infamous day and term known as Black Friday will cease to exist in Alabama. Henceforth this day shall be known as “Colors Day.” Those who have not declared or refuse to wear appropriate team-colored apparel shall be considered insurrectionists or Florida Gator Fans.
The tax free weekend will become part of this holiday and items such as alcoholic beverages, tobacco and tailgating party items are now included in the list of non-taxable items.
There shall be an official Iron Bowl Parade with revelry that will put Macy’s, the Rose and Orange bowl’s to shame. Redneck Float entries will be in good taste and relevant to the Holiday.
Vulgar displays, jokes and references about the opposing team’s university, players, fans and alumni will be kept from children and women in pubic and spoken only in discreet company.
This proclamation is also to serve as a reminder that both campuses are in the great State of Alabama and anyone found guilty of defacing, vandalizing any icon or property of either university will be punished by public humiliation on the offended campus till the following year. Yes, tar and feathering will be considered legal for this offense.
All joking aside the two teams have met 82 times with Alabama leading the series 45-36-1. Auburn won last season’s meeting in Jordan-Hare Stadium, 26-14, to clinch the SEC West.
Alabama already claimed the division title this season. Alabama is 10–0 overall and 7–0 in conference play. Auburn is 7–4 overall and 3–4 in conference play.
What does this mean? Absolutely nothing and I speak from my fifty-five years of experience. I’m sure the both team’s devoted fans will agree.
If you’re wondering which side I’ll be rooting for? Two Auburn players decide to go on vacation and find themselves in Tuscaloosa!
The Iron Bowl is slated for Saturday, Nov. 24 and will be televised on CBS at 2:30 p.m. CST time in Bryant-Denny Stadium.